Dozen of articles. Improve your lifestyle now!

Self esteem help educational psychologist midstream centurion pretoria

Ways to help your children develop self-esteem

Self esteem and confidence

Self-esteem and confidence are major traits in individuals that affect their success. While these are a lifelong process, the foundation of it needs to be established in early childhood. Building self-esteem will allow the child to deal with difficult situations that they will encounter during their lifetime. Since parents have the greatest influence on a child’s belief, it is important for them to let their child know where they belong, how well they are doing and contribute towards developing confidence and self-esteem.

Read more

Talking to kids about the Coronavirus (COVID-19)

Talking to kids about the Coronavirus (COVID-19)

The Coronavirus (COVID-19) is causing widespread panic and anxiety throughout the world. For us as adults, information about the virus is quite readily available, but what about our children? What do they hear, and understand about the Coronavirus?

Below are a few pictures that can help you explain the Coronavirus (COVID-19) to your children, to help ease their anxiety, and empower them with knowledge about what the virus is, what is does, and how the spread of the virus can be contained.

You can also download this free PDF copy of the story here.Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids


Explaining the Coronavirus to kids


Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids


Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids

Explaining the Coronavirus to kids


The above images are credited with thanks to MANUELA MOLINA, @MINDHEART.KIDS, WWW.MINDHEART.CO.


Are you a blamer? Dr. Marisa van Niekerk Educational Psychologist shares some info on blaming

Are you a blamer? Let’s talk about blaming

Are you a blamer?

What is blaming, and why do we do it?

Are you a blamer? Blaming is basically the process whereby our brains finds a clever way of avoiding the psychological pain created by negative events. Blaming is an externalising process, projecting the anger or pain onto another person or situation, instead of taking responsibility for it ourselves.

If you are a blamer (or don’t even know you are), have a look at this (hillarious) video by Brene Brown, where she “considers why we blame others, how it sabotages our relationships, and why we desperately need to move beyond this toxic behaviour.”


To read more about blaming and how it can affect you EGO, read this post here.

Dr. Marisa van Niekerk, Educational Psychologist in private practice in Midstream.
Also serving clients from Centurion – Rooihuiskraal – Irene – Pretotia East – Midrand – Heritage Hill – Cornwall Hill – greater Pretoria area
Mental toughness, Pretoria, Centurion, Midstream

Your Ego, your personality manager

Your ego: an introduction

Ego?!   Yes, we know about ego’s.  Usually men’s ego’s!

In a previous post I’ve shared Brene Brown’s “blaming” dvd.  If you haven’t seen it yet it’s worth taking a moment to go to the video and have a look.

Blaming is all about ego.  And NO, not just about men’s egos – it’s all about our ego’s as human beings.  Have a look at the picture below: sitting behind your desk, your feet on the desk and just feeling good about yourself, just like yourself as a person. That is what ego implies: Ego is the manager of our personalities and it’s biggest need is to feel good about himself (or herself).

The ego is the manager of our personalities
The ego is the manager of our personalities

Now, how is an ego formed?

Firstly, the ego is formed by telling yourself good things about yourself, like “I am good enough”. You are thus giving yourself positive feedback of yourself, for example: “Iva likes me and she thinks I’m a good friend”; “I’m making a difference in someone’s life”, etcetera.

But, the ego is also formed by telling yourself bad (or negative) things about yourself: “I’m not a good mom”. Maybe you think “I don’t have any university qualifications and therefore I am inferior compared to my friends”. What about “I’m fat and ugly” or “I don’t have self confidence”, etcetera.

The ego is further formed by interpreting the feedback (positive or negative) that you receive from others: “Other people don’t like me”; “My boss thinks Mark does this job better than I did” or on a more positive side: “My boss thinks I’m great”or “I handled this situation well”.

Your ego and blaming

Back to the blaming issue:

In order to feel good about yourself, you learn defending mechanisms (to boost your ego to feel good). For example blaming others instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. Or withdrawing from a situation where you feel inferior and accusing other people of not acknowledging and understanding you. It can be drinking too much in order to have confidence to “speak out” in front of other people.

So, we all have ego’s, because we are human.  But have you ever thought about what your defending mechanisms are?  Start to recognize them, try to stop using them and become an anti- blamer, anti- over-drinker, anti- withdrawing person. Become a pro “I am good enough the way I am” person. This is food for your ego.

Most people don’t even know that they have defending mechanisms.  So, why is it good to know what your defending mechanisms are?  Well, by knowing what they are, you can focus on minimising them, or using them less.  Start saying: I don’t blame others, but I take responsibility for my actions. I don’t withdraw from friends, because I rather learn more self assertiveness and start to belief that I can’t expect others to respect me if I don’t respect myself. I don’t need to drink too much as I would rather learn some skills to better socialize and communicate with other people.

And start treating your EGO well, saying “hi EGO, you are a great buddy!!”


According to the website, the definition of ego is:

Ego, in psychoanalytic theory, that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception. It is said to be the part that remembers, evaluates, plans, and in other ways is responsive to and acts in the surrounding physical and social world. According to psychoanalytic theory, the ego coexists with the id (said to be the agency of primitive drives) and superego (considered to be the ethical component of personality) as one of three agencies proposed by Sigmund Freud in description of the dynamics of the human mind.


Survival tips for mothers

Survival tips for mothers (and fathers)

Survival tips for mothers: Introduction

Too many moms tell me on a daily basis “I’m trying to keep everybody in my family’s "balls" in the air, but I am falling apart myself”.  That is often so true, mothers usually put themselves last in the line and most of the time they aren’t even in the line!  This can be an overwhelming feeling, and a cause for anxiety and even depression.  How about some survival tips for mothers to help you to not only cope, but thrive!

Survival tips for mothers: The problem?

So what can you do? What can you change if you hardly have time to go to the bathroom (not even alone – many times with a clinging child who sits in front of the door waiting for you)?  Mom’s feel guilty…. almost permanently….

Therefore when there’s a few minutes somewhere, sometime, they also tend to do something for somebody else.

Survival tips for mothers
Survival tips for mothers (and fathers)

Survival tips for mothers: STOP

So just STOP and forget the guilt feelings (even if only for a few minutes)! Do some of the following three times EVERY DAY (for the rest of your life), and see what happens!

Survival tips for mothers: Do this now!

  • Read one article in your favorite magazine.
  • Make yourself a cup of coffee/ tea and just sit (do nothing – don’t even think – become just blank for a few minutes).
  • Breathe (deeply in as if you are climbing stairs) and then out again (down with the stairs again) for (5 minutes).
  • Watch one of your favorite tv programmes.
  • Walk around the block (all by yourself). (Demand the time: leave the kids with your partner or nanny for 20 minutes).
  • Read something spiritual.
  • Forget about your phone.
  • Listen to your favorite “happy song” and sing and dance along.
  • Add something which you need to the list.
Survival tips for mothers
Survival tips for mothers: Do something for yourself!

Survival tips for mothers: Enjoy it!

If you do above mentioned three times a day (OK, maybe walk around the block just once), it’s guaranteed that the rest of your day (and life) will be far better than yesterday and the day before. Stand up and take back control of your life and ENJOY IT!  You deserve it!

Survival tips for mothers: Last words

Of course, the above mentioned tips also works for fathers.


Exam stress tips for parents Midstream Pretoria Centurion

Exam stress tips for parents

Exam stress tips for parents

This time of the year exams stress is at the order of the day.  It is a time that can be extremely stressful for parents (most of the time for moms) and their children.  Sometimes parents even tend to have more exams stress than their children.  So here are some exam stress tips for parents.

Exam stress tips for parents: Introduction

Parents often ask the question “How can I better support my child during exams”.  There are a few basic things which you as a parent can do different these exams.

Exam stress tips for parents: Tip 1 – selftalk

Be aware of your selftalk. What do you say to yourself and what do you say to your child during this busy and stressful time? This words that you say to yourself is called your selftalk – the things you tell yourself. Do you perhaps say things like “I don’t know how we are going to get through the exams”, “It’s going to be a terrible time of fighting in our house again”, “I don’t even know where to start”, “How am I going to get time for all that I need to do together with the exams”, “I’m a nervous wreck”, etcetera.

The words that you tell yourself set free either feeling good (for example endorphin) or feeling bad (for example cortisol) hormones in your brain. You can explain it to your child that the hormones is like feeling good or feeling bad ‘juice”. Therefore change your selftalk to things like “We are going to be a strong team this exams”, “It will go well”, “You can do it”, “You’ve done it so many times before”, “You are a star”, “Let’s just keep going”, etcetera. Start today to set free “feeling good juice” in your brain and support your child to do it as well.

Exam stress tips for parents: Tip 2 – Take care of yourself first

Take care of yourself as parent first. In an aeroplane part of the safety procedures before all flights take off is, “Should there be an emergency, and oxygen masks drop from the panel above you, attend to yourself first before you help your children or any other person”. Get your ducks, as parent, in a row first by doing the following exam stress tips for parents:

  • Get enough sleep.
  • Drink enough water (plus/minus 6 – 8 glasses per day).
  • Eat healthy.
  • Go for daily walks with your children (15 minutes will make a big difference).

If you feel there’s no time, make time and see the difference that will add to a more positive atmosphere at home.

Exam stress tips for parents: Tip 3 – brain gym

Do some brain gym. Brain gym exercises are movement exercises which “switch” your brain on and make it more sharp.

Exam stress tips for parents: brain gym, midstream estate
Exam stress tips for parents: brain gym

For more info on brain gym exercises go to the brain gym SA site. Do the brain gym exercises together with your child before school, before he starts studying and again if he / she gets exhausted during study time. Just don’t do brain gym before bedtime as it might make it difficult for your child to fall asleep.

Exam stress tips for parents: Tip 4 – Reduce overall stress levels in your home

Change the overall stressful atmosphere at home by:

  • Taking frequent short walks.
  • Ask your child to play his / her favourite inspiring song to you and just dance together (or just listen).
  • Build in a special tradition (which will last for the rest of your life) like having coffee, tea, etcetera together at a certain time each night. Just be together and relax.
  • Hit a pillow or a boxing bag.
  • Acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions. Take time out if needed as a fight will cause setting free bad “juice”.
  • Don’t preach, shout, scold, criticize your child, but in stead tell him / her it’s “time out” time and go and drink a glass of water, walk around the house, go to the bathroom in order to calm down and to be able to think logically again.


Exam stress tips for parents - reduce overall stress levels in the home
Exam stress tips for parents – reduce overall stress levels in the home

Exam stress tips for parents: Summary

Helping your child cope with exam stress starts with helping yourself as parent cope with “exam stress“.  I hope the “exam stress tips for parents” above would help you achieve that goal.

Just implement these exam stress tips for parents and make this exams the best ever and invest for the future exams as well. You can do it!

GPS tracker watches in schools

GPS tracker watches in schools

GPS tracker watches in schools: Introduction

Should GPS tracker watches in schools be allowed?

Nothing can be more terrifying and induce panic than to loose your child in a mall, in a crowd or even on a family outing. It is a natural part of most parents to worry about the safety of their children. One of the questions, in an unsafe country like South Africa, which is at the order of the day, is whether allowing GPS tracker watches in schools could be the answer to your child’s protection and safety. GPS means global positioning satellite and a chip is used in a variety of GPS devices such as watches, clothing, cell phones and clothes (a surgeon can even implant a GPS chip into a child’s body). A GPS is a technology which informs you where people and things (e.g. your car and child) are at all times.

In thís article the focus is especially on GPS tracker watches in pre-primary schools in South Africa. Some of the devices can track children continuously, while others only start to respond if a child leaves the boundaries of a specific area. Some tracker watches even have a panic button and / or a cellphone to make an urgent call. Technology offers more options and choices, but it also implies that more decisions should be made by parents. Parents admit that they are under “responsibility pressure” as well as “peer pressure” to decide whether it will be good to buy their child a GPS tracker watch to know exactly where their child is and to protect their child. What complicates the tracker watch option more is the controversy among parents and professionals like teachers and therapists whether the answer to buy a tracker watch for your pre-primary child should be a yes or a no.

Like so many other puzzling questions with regards to your child, which have no definite yes or no answer, this is the conundrum here. Now what should a parent do? First know the pros and the cons of a GPS tracker watch for your pre-primary child. 

Click here for a link to where you can shop for GPS tracker watches

GPS tracker watches in schools: Pros of tracker watches

  • Parental peace that comes from knowing where your child is all the time.
  • Should there be an emergency, for example a kidnapping, the police and others can immediately start to search for your child and find him more quickly.

    GPS tracker watches in schools
    GPS tracker watches in schools
  • Parents can be more relaxed when their child goes for a play date to a friend, instead of saying no and deprive their kid of the chance to better socialize; or saying yes, but worrying about the safety of their child all the time.

GPS tracker watches in schools: Cons of tracker watches

  • Children are children and can break the device or take it off when they play.
  • A child attacker who is well informed will look for a GPS tracker watch and get rid of it.
  • Strangers aren’t the greatest threat to a child’s safety, sometimes a close friend and / or family member can be more dangerous and be well aware to remove the GPS tracker watch.
  • The GPS tracker watch gives parents security to know where their child is, but emotionally a child can become too dependent and over reliant on his parents.
  • The change exists that parents as well as their child rely too much on the watch and that parents tend to omit to teach their child about his own safety as well as safety rules, for example what to do when a stranger approach you and how to remove yourself from dangerous situations.
  • Technology is not perfect and systems can fail.
  • Be careful not to become a helicopter parent.

GPS tracker watches in schools: What is a helicopter parent?

“The term “helicopter parent” was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott’s 1969 book Parents & Teenagers by teens who said their parents would hover over them like a helicopter; the term became popular enough to become a dictionary entry in 2011. Helicopter parenting refers to “a style of parents who are over focused on their children,” says Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders near Detroit and author of Anxiety Disorders: The Go-To Guide. (Taken from What is helicopter parenting?

GPS tracker watches in schools: What do professionals say?

Dr. Erik Fisher, psychologist and author of The art of empowered Parenting says that there are indeed pros, but examples of pitfalls are:

  • A child gets the idea that he’s never too safe and today kids already are scared of too many things.
  • The replacement of being an active parent which includes teaching your child problem solving skills and to be able to make decisions.

Fisher’s advice to parents is to determine their real motives for having a GPS tracker watch on their child. Parents should further determine how their child feels about the device, but it’s more applicable for older children than for pre-primary kids, as most pre-primary kids are still in the development phase where they find it difficult to express their feelings in language.

A psychologist from Ohio New York who does research on parenting, says the following: “I can understand how a parent might want to know if their child is having a problem, but I don’t think it’s necessarily helpful for children to always be able to turn to their parents when they are struggling. We want children to develop problem solving skills and the capacity to manage stress.” No matter where you as parent stand in the debate, remember the “traditional” methods of looking after your children and know where they are. Know what your child wear in case of separation and report. Teach and repeat and point out boundaries in their different environments where they will be at different times of the day. Teach your child to whom he can go for help.

GPS tracker watches in schools: Pre-primary Schools’ dilemmas

Dilemmas / questions / challenges?

Have you ever thought that technology also causes challenges at your child’s school?

Think of the following practical examples: Pre-primary education is all about developing your child’s skills in order to reach his full potential as a whole child (emotionally, physically, socially, mentally) and to get him ready for school. Activities are therefore carefully planned and rotated to give your child the opportunity to develop and practice these skills. These developmental activities include sand, clay, paint, water, drawings, etcetera. In order to be able to play freely many kids want to take off their GPS tracker watches.  And then, it’s watches everywhere, children everywhere, teachers who need to keep a good eye on the children and watches full of sand, water, paint and sometimes crying children as their parents told them to take good care of their tracker watches.

Another factor to consider at school is the right to privacy. Some GPS tracker watches also have a small microphone attached to the watch, which allow parents to listen to what is happening around their child, almost like a baby monitor.

This could be problematic, and could infringe other children, or the teacher’s right to privacy, and hence should be addressed by the school’s management team, in consultation with the school’s legal advisor.

So, let’s get back to the point again. Please go back and read the pro’s and cons of buying a GPS tracker watch for your pre-primary child. You want a child with strong “wings” who can fly. Keep that in mind and make the best decision for the sake of your child.

GPS tracker watches in schools: References

Do You Know Where Your Kids Are? GPS Tracking for Children;

Tracking devices are getting increasingly popular;

Pros and cons of GPS watches to track your kids;

GPS Tracking children: Good or Bad Idea;

Exam stress tips for parents midstream pretoria

Spel en leesprobleme: Opvoedkundige Sielkundige raad

Spel en leesprobleme: Inleiding

“Help! My kind sukkel met spel, skryf en lees!” Dis ’n noodkreet waarmee opvoedkundige sielkundiges daagliks te doen kry. “Niemand het my ooit gesê dat daar enige probleem met my kind is nie!” Dis weer ’n baie algemene uitdrukking van ’n ouer se frustrasie met ’n kind wat skryf, spel en leesprobleme ervaar.

Spel en leesprobleme: Die basis

Het jy al ooit aan die volgende gedink: Ten einde te leer spel, lees en skryf, moet jou kind die volgende weet:

  • wat die name van sy liggaamsdele is;
  • waar sy linker- en regterkant is (belangrik: om dit werklik te ken, moet hy ook weet waar links en regs is as hy byvoorbeeld na ’n ander kant toe kyk);
  • deeglik kennis dra van die grondbeginsels: voor/agter; bo-op/onder; langs; tussen; voor/na; en so meer.

Spel en leesprobleme: Begin hier

Jou kind moet ook (onder meer) die volgende kan doen ten einde gereed te wees om skryf- en leesvaardighede aan te leer:

  • huppel en galop (ritmiese bewegings);
  • stap, draf, hardloop (ritmies en op die maat van musiek);
  • op ’n reguit lyn vorentoe en agtertoe kan loop (sonder om vir sy voete te kyk en sonder om langs die lyn te trap);
  • vloeiende en egalige skrifpatrone kan maak.

Spel en leesprobleme: Wat?

Bogenoemde voorbeelde klink vir baie ouers na ’n spul twak, veral as hul kind ook die volgende moet kan doen: sterspronge, op een been staan, touspring, eenbeentjie of hinkspel (“hopscotch”) kan speel, ritmiese patrone kan “na-klap” (“copy”), krale kan inryg, netjies kan knip, ’n bal kan vang, skop, gooi, bons en so meer.

Spel en leesprobleme: Dis als oor ritme

spel en leesprobleme
Spel en leesprobleme

Die rede waarom jou kind al bogenoemde aktiwiteite moet kan uitvoer, is omdat lees en skryf ritmiese bewegings behels. Bogenoemde aktiwiteite vorm met ander woorde deel van die boustene vir lees en skryf. ’n Kind wat byvoorbeeld nie weet waar die linker- en regterkant van sy lyf is nie, kan probleme ervaar om tussen b en d te onderskei. ’n Kind wat nie weet waar voor of na, of eerste/middelste en laaste is nie, sal moontlik probleme met spelling en die volgorde van letters ervaar soos byvoorbeeld: mat – watter klank hoor jy eerste/laaste/in die middel of voor/na.

Spel en leesprobleme: Wanneer moet ek begin?

Baie ouers vra die vraag: Moet ek my kind formeel leer lees en skryf voor graad 1? Die antwoord is “nee” – gaan speel net met jou kind, want so berei jy hom voor om gereed te wees om te leer lees en skryf. En wees versigtig om nie te dink dat as jy jou kind ’n oulike werkboekie in die hand stop en saam met hom deurwerk, hy goed voorberei word vir lees en skryf nie. Wat jou kind nodig het, is (in hierdie volgorde):

Driedimensionele aktiwiteite:

  • opdragte soos: “Staan agter/voor/langs die swaai”;
  • “Skop die grootste bal”;
  • “Raak met jou regterhand aan jou linkeroor”.

Tweedimensionele aktiwiteite:

  • kaartspeletjies;
  • bordspeletjies;
  • penborde;
  • opdragte soos: “Sit die rooi sirkel aan die linkerkant van die blou sirkel”; “Watter prent is die naaste aan jou?”.

Eendimensionele aktiwiteite:

  • papierwerk en werkkaarte.

Jou kind moet eers driedimensioneel kan speel en leer voordat hy gereed is om op tweedimensionele vlak te speel en te leer. Die eendimensionele vlak is die laaste in die ry.

Spel en leesprobleme: Waar kry ek hulp?

Waar kan ’n ouer wie se kind sukkel met spel en lees aanklop vir hulp? ’n Opvoedkundige sielkundige kan ’n assessering doen ten einde te bepaal wat jou kind se verstandelike vermoë is en indien wel, watter gapings jou kind toon. ’n Opvoedkundige sielkundige sal jou, indien nodig, na ’n arbeidsterapeut verwys, indien jou kind se vaardighede ter gereedmaking van lees en skryf nie vasgelê is nie. ’n Opvoedkundige sielkundige sal ook die nodige verwysings kan maak na ’n pediatriese oogkundige, oudioloog, spraakterapeut en so meer, as sy vermoed dat daar enige probleme in hierdie gebiede is.

Spel en leesprobleme: Nog inligting

Wil jy meer weet hoe om jou kind te ondersteun om gereed te wees vir lees en skryf? Gaan lees dan meer oor onder meer klim en klouter, middellynkruising, balans, luistervaardighede (ouditiewe persepsie) en sigvaardighede (visuele persepsie), sowel as growwe en fyn motoriese koördinasie.

Spel en leesprobleme: Ten laaste

Let wel: Hierdie artikel geld nie slegs vir graad 1-leerders nie, maar is ook van toepassing op ander leerders in die grondslag- en selfs primêre fase (en soms ook sekondêre fase) wat lees- en skryfprobleme het – tensy ander probleme soos disleksie en/of ’n disfunksie in sy brein gediagnoseer is. Indien daar geen disfunksies by jou kind gediagnoseer kan word nie, kan die opvoedkundige sielkundige die nodige verwysings maak na relevante professionele kundiges wat jou kind kan ondersteun. Die deurslaggewende faktor vir sukses word uiteindelik grootliks bepaal deur die ouers se verbintenis (“commitment”) om hul kind tuis met die huiswerk, wat die terapeute gee, te help.

Hierdie artikel is deel van ‘n reeks artikels wat ek vir Maroela Media in 2015 geskryf het.

Divorce counselling Educational Psychologist Midstream Centurion Pretoria

Konflik tussen ouers wanneer hulle ouerskapstyle verskil

Konflik tussen ouers wanneer hulle ouerskapstyle verskil

(Saamgestel deur Dr. Marisa van Niekerk, vir publikasie in Vrouekeur)

Dit is inderdaad so dat die meeste ouers gewoonlik sê dat hulle in die beste belang van hulle kinders probeer optree. Maar daar is ‘n kinkel in die kabel en dit is dat die “beste belang” verskillende betekenisse vir ouers het.

Paartjies praat, voordat hulle ‘n verbintenis aangaan, oor belangrike dinge soos godsdiens en politiek, en of hulle kinders wil hê of nie, maar hulle praat nie oor die tipe ouers wat hulle wil wees nie.

Ouers besef dit nie, maar dit is meestal hulle verskillende ouerskapstyle wat die bakleiery ten opsigte van dissipline aanvuur. Die ouers wat die meeste bots, is die ouers wat te outoritêr, of te instemmend is. Wanneer mense tot ‘n verhouding toetree, bring elkeen sy eie waardes vanuit sy kinderdae saam. Dit beteken egter nie dat dit die beste manier is om jou kinders groot te maak nie. Die geheim lê daarin om met mekaar te kommunikeer en mekaar in die middel te ontmoet.

Slaaptyd is ‘n aspek wat groot gevegte tussen ouers ontlok. Hoe kan ouers mekaar by die kwessie van slaaptyd in die middel ontmoet? As Pa byvoorbeeld wil “sleep train” en Ma kan nie die geskree uitstaan nie, moet Ma probeer om uit die huis te wees (of in ‘n ander vertrek met ‘n toe deur en dalk besig om badwater in te tap), of selfs met pluisies in haar ore.

As dit ‘n ma byvoorbeeld grief as sy tuiskom (nadat haar man na die kinders moes kyk) en haar kinders is aan die slaap in die ouers se bed, kan dit in ‘n “wen” situasie vir albei omskep word as die pa die kinders na hulle eie beddens toe dra.

Ouerskapstyle: Ouer teen ouer, of ondersteun ek my kind oor hoe om op te tree en probleme op te los?

Huwelike is ooreenkomste tussen mense van verskillende familie-agtergronde. Bogennoemde kan lei tot spanning tussen ouers. Een ouer mag byvoorbeeld baie spraaksamig wees teenoor sy kind terwyl die ander ouer stil en gereserveerd is. En raai wat? Albei style is goed genoeg!

Dit is die verskille oor besluite wat ouers moet neem (ten opsigte van hulle kinders) wat die probleem is. Een ouer glo byvoorbeeld dat sy kind swaar gestraf moet word as hy jok, terwyl jok nie vir die ander ouer so ‘n ernstige oortreding is nie. Hier begin ouers baklei oor wie nou eintlik “reg” is, en die effek op jou kind is as volg:

  • Die situasie maak dat ‘n kind onseker en onveilig voel (ongeag sy ouderdom);
  • Baie kinders begin sulke situasies gebruik om hulle ouers te manipuleer;
  • Die fokus verskuif van die kind en sy swak / verkeerde gedrag en opvoeding na ‘n bakleiery tussen die ouers.

So ouers, hou op om voor jou kinders te baklei. Dr. Phil sê dat om voor jou kinders te baklei, is niks minder as mishandeling nie.

Divorce counselling Educational Psychologist Midstream Centurion Pretoria
Verskillende ouerskapstyle kan lei tot konflik voor die kinders

Gevolge van botsende ouerskapstyle is die volgende:

  • ‘n Kind raak verward tussen dit wat reg en verkeerd is, van wat hy moet doen en hoe hy moet optree en die vraag van wat nou die “eintlike” reëls is;
  • ‘n Kind word een of albei ouers se vertroueling, omdat sy ouers veld trek teen mekaar. So ‘n kind voel verantwoordelik vir die konflik tussen sy ouers en ontwikkel skuldgevoelens wat hoegenaamd nie veronderstel is om te gebeur nie;
  • As die ouers gereeld in konflik is, kan ‘n kind as gevolg daarvan angs en/of depressie ontwikkel – weer eens as gevolg van die verwarring en die skuldgevoelens wat hy ervaar;
  • ‘n Kind kan begin om een van sy ouers “af te gradeer” en homself met die ouer te vereenselwig wat volgens hom die beste styl het en / of die een wat vir hom die meeste voordele gee;
  • Uiteindelik is die kind se siening van homself in gevaar as gevolg van die toutrekkery wat hy tussen sy ouers veroorsaak;
  • Die kind word ‘n slagveld tussen die ouers in plaas daarvan dat hy in sy ontwikkeling deur sy ouers ondersteun en begelei word;
  • As volwassenes voel hierdie kinders negatief teenoor ‘n huwelik, hulle kies baie maal om self nie kinders te hê nie of, nog slegter, hulle herhaal die sinnelose patroon van om met iemand te trou met ‘n ouerskapstyl wat radikaal van hulle eie styl verskil en sodoende herhaal die hele negatiewe proses van voor af;
  • ‘n Kind vanuit ‘n huis met baie konflikterende ouerskapstyle mag depressie of angstigheid as volwassene ervaar, omdat die voortdurende konflik sy psige negatief beïnvloed.

As jy voor jou kinders baklei plaas jy jou drang om te ontplof bo dit wat in die beste belang van jou kinders is. Jou kinders gee nie om wie reg is nie, hulle wil net hê jy moet ophou om met jou maat te baklei. Dr. Phil sê verder dat net jy jouself kan beheer. En vir ouers wat hiermee stry vra hy die vaarg of hulle voor hulle base of in ‘n restaurant voor vriende sal baklei. Dan maan Dr. Phil met hierdie woorde “Maak die keuse om jou impulse te beheer”.

Ouerskapstyle: Is daar ‘n positiewe kant?

Indien verskillende ouerskapstyle korrek hanteer word, is daar ‘n positiewe kant. Wanneer ouers bereid is om te kommunikeer en mekaar meer in die middel te ontmoet, het ‘n kind die geleentheid om in die praktyk te sien hoe daardie verskillende ouerskapstyle mekaar kan aanvul en komplimenteer. ‘n Kind kan leer dat daar baie maal verskille tussen ouers is, net soos wat daar verskille tussen mans en vrouens is.

Kom ons kyk na die volgedne voorbeeld: Kevin is ‘n 12 jarige seun en sy beste vriend het hom uitgenooi om saam met hom en sy familie te gaan visvang. Hulle gaan by die see visvang, wat ‘n paar ure se ry vanaf hulle tuisdorp is. Kevin benader sy ma eerste en haar onmiddelike reaksie is nee, omdat sy bang is dat dit te gevaarlik is.

Daarom besluit Kevin om sy pa te benader, omdat hy moontlik makliker sal toegee en vir Kevin sal help om sy ma van besluit te laat verander. Sy pa dink dat die visvang-kans ‘n goeie geleentheid is en dat dit pret sal wees. Sy pa sê egter dat hy nie dadelik ‘n antwoord kan gee nie en dat hy en sy ma eers sal praat en dan saam ‘n besluit sal neem.

Wanneer Kevin se ouers praat, identifiseer hulle vereistes waaraan voldoen moet word. Die vereistes sluit in dat hulle met die vriend se ouers sal gesels sodat hulle die detail van die planne kan bespreek. Kevin se ouers wil ook uitvind wat die veiligheidsmaatreëls vir die visvang is en maniere waarop hulle in kontak met Kevin se vriend se familie kan bly, vasstel. Nadat daar aan die vereistes voldoen is, besluit Kevin se ouers om hom te laat gaan.

In bogenoemde voorbeeld sien ons dat Kevin van die begin af geweet het hoe sy ouers sou reageer en hy het hierdie kennis gebruik om te probeer om die situasie te manipuleer om in sy guns te tel. Uiteindelik het hy nie tussen sy ouers gekom nie, maar net ‘n beroep op beide gedoen van wat hy wou hê. Sy ouers se slim gedrag het tot gevolg gehad dat hulle opponerende kampe bymekaar kon kom en die probleem kon oplos.

So ouers, plaas jouself op die agtergrond en jou kind se ontwikkeling op die voorgrond en bring jou en jou maat se opponeredne kampe nader aan mekaar om saam ‘n wenspan in die dissplinering van jou kinders te word.



School readiness assessment

School readiness assessment

Frequently asked school readiness assessment questions, by parents

Nowadays you will hear professionals rather talk about “readiness to learn than school readiness.

What determines a child’s readiness to learn (school readiness)?

  • His ability to focus and concentrate. The kind of activity on which the child needs to concentrate on plays a role here.
  • The child’s own motivation to learn. Parents and factors beyond the child can influence this.
  • The child’s state of health. A healthy child has more energy and is thus more capable of learning.
  • His emotional maturity. An emotional stable child learns easier.
  • A child’s intellectual ability. Though some children learn more easily than others, a child with an average intellectual ability can be successful in school.

When does readiness to learn (school readiness) start?

  • Readiness to learn (school readiness) starts at birth and it is an ongoing process.
  • A child is always ready to learn new knowledge, skills and behaviour.

Above mentioned stresses the role of the parent and teacher to provide appropriate opportunities and activities for the child to learn.

Is school readiness assessment is really needed or am I wasting my time and money?

 Yes and yes again. This is why a school readiness assessment, by an educational psychologist, is needed:

School readiness assessment
School readiness assessment

The school readiness assessment is:

  • objective;
  • formal;
  • done by a professional person;
  • detailed, which contains both an intellectual and emotional part.

A school readiness assessment provides information of the level of development of a child.  Problems are highlighted through a school readiness assessment and can be addressed in time.

School readiness is also done by school teachers. Why should I, as a parent, choose an educational psychologist to do the school readiness assessment?

The school readiness (learning readiness) tests by teachers are usually screening tests. These tests are effective and very helpful in screening a child to determine whether he is ready to learn (school ready) and to identify any problems and / or areas of development in the child. These tests take more or less between 45 to 60 minutes and are in small groups of children, between 4 and 10). If any area is suspected as a problem and / or gap in a child’s development and if you want to determine your child’s emotional level, read further:

Only an educational psychologist is allowed to use psychometric tests to determine a child’s intellectual ability in his level of readiness to learn (school readiness). An educational psychologist is further qualified to assess your child emotionally in order to determine whether he will be emotional ready to learn (emotional level of school readiness). This assessment takes more or less between two to four hours and is done with only one child at a time. A school readiness assessment by an educational psychologist is usually divided between two morning sessions. Parents receive a formal written report from the educational psychologist.

References: Dr Susan le Roux (Educational Psychologist); The Reception Year: Learning through play. Drs Reda Davin and Christie van Staden.
Teacher training and development workshops in South Africa

Teacher training and development

Teacher training and development: Introduction

Teacher training and development is not something that happens at the start of your career only.  It is an ongoing process, especially in our modern-day world.

Being a teacher is not easy.  It takes a lot of hard work and dedication, and even so, it can sometimes be a thankless job.  Teachers face a lot of challenges in their daily work, and even pre-primary and primary school teachers face difficulties dealing with discipline, and abnormal behaviour in class. Read more

Talking to kids about the Coronavirus (COVID-19)

Talking to kids about the Coronavirus (COVID-19) The Coronavirus (COVID-19) is causing widespread panic and anxiety throughout …

Are you a blamer? Dr. Marisa van Niekerk Educational Psychologist shares some info on blaming

Are you a blamer? Let’s talk about blaming

Are you a blamer? What is blaming, and why do we do it? Are you a blamer? Blaming is basically the process whereby our brains …

Mental toughness, Pretoria, Centurion, Midstream

Your Ego, your personality manager

Your ego: an introduction Ego?!   Yes, we know about ego’s.  Usually men’s ego’s! In a previous post I’ve …