Category: Confidence

Mental toughness, Pretoria, Centurion, Midstream

Your Ego, your personality manager

Your ego: an introduction

Ego?!   Yes, we know about ego’s.  Usually men’s ego’s!

In a previous post I’ve shared Brene Brown’s “blaming” dvd.  If you haven’t seen it yet it’s worth taking a moment to go to the video and have a look.

Blaming is all about ego.  And NO, not just about men’s egos – it’s all about our ego’s as human beings.  Have a look at the picture below: sitting behind your desk, your feet on the desk and just feeling good about yourself, just like yourself as a person. That is what ego implies: Ego is the manager of our personalities and it’s biggest need is to feel good about himself (or herself).

The ego is the manager of our personalities
The ego is the manager of our personalities

Now, how is an ego formed?

Firstly, the ego is formed by telling yourself good things about yourself, like “I am good enough”. You are thus giving yourself positive feedback of yourself, for example: “Iva likes me and she thinks I’m a good friend”; “I’m making a difference in someone’s life”, etcetera.

But, the ego is also formed by telling yourself bad (or negative) things about yourself: “I’m not a good mom”. Maybe you think “I don’t have any university qualifications and therefore I am inferior compared to my friends”. What about “I’m fat and ugly” or “I don’t have self confidence”, etcetera.

The ego is further formed by interpreting the feedback (positive or negative) that you receive from others: “Other people don’t like me”; “My boss thinks Mark does this job better than I did” or on a more positive side: “My boss thinks I’m great”or “I handled this situation well”.

Your ego and blaming

Back to the blaming issue:

In order to feel good about yourself, you learn defending mechanisms (to boost your ego to feel good). For example blaming others instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. Or withdrawing from a situation where you feel inferior and accusing other people of not acknowledging and understanding you. It can be drinking too much in order to have confidence to “speak out” in front of other people.

So, we all have ego’s, because we are human.  But have you ever thought about what your defending mechanisms are?  Start to recognize them, try to stop using them and become an anti- blamer, anti- over-drinker, anti- withdrawing person. Become a pro “I am good enough the way I am” person. This is food for your ego.

Most people don’t even know that they have defending mechanisms.  So, why is it good to know what your defending mechanisms are?  Well, by knowing what they are, you can focus on minimising them, or using them less.  Start saying: I don’t blame others, but I take responsibility for my actions. I don’t withdraw from friends, because I rather learn more self assertiveness and start to belief that I can’t expect others to respect me if I don’t respect myself. I don’t need to drink too much as I would rather learn some skills to better socialize and communicate with other people.

And start treating your EGO well, saying “hi EGO, you are a great buddy!!”

Notes

According to the website Britannica.com, the definition of ego is:

Ego, in psychoanalytic theory, that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception. It is said to be the part that remembers, evaluates, plans, and in other ways is responsive to and acts in the surrounding physical and social world. According to psychoanalytic theory, the ego coexists with the id (said to be the agency of primitive drives) and superego (considered to be the ethical component of personality) as one of three agencies proposed by Sigmund Freud in description of the dynamics of the human mind.

 

Put yourself in the first place

Put yourself in the first place

Why should you put yourself in the first place? We convince ourselves that life will be better after we got married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.

After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you share it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with…and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting until your car or home is paid off, until you get a new car or home, until your kids leave the house, until you go back to school, until you loose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you finish school, until you get a divorce, until you get married, until you have kids, until you retire, until summer, until spring, until winter, until fall, until you die.

Put yourself in the first place

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to be happy. Happiness is a JOURNEY, not a destination. So, work like you don’t need money. Love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching. (Author: Unknown)

Put yourself first for a while. Make the appointment with a professional, experienced psychologist that you’ve postponed for years.  You will be in awe to see what effect it will have not only on yourself, but also on other important people in your life as well. By putting yourself first, will have an effect on your whole which implies, emotionally, socially, physically, mentally and more. You can contact me by clicking on this link.

You can also visit my Facebook page.

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

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