Why is there a need for post-divorce family recovery?
Many children as well as adults who came from divorced families, remember the “atmosphere” between their divorced parents (after the divorce and onwards) as one of the most emotional draining things they have faced and are still facing. The biggest gift that you can give your children after a divorce, is to at least be wise, brave and “adult”enough not to have an atmosphere which nobody (even a four year old kid) dare to mention, but which you can cut with a knife, and is loaded with revenge, self pity, victimism, anger, hate and more.
This negative atmosphere is a guarantee that your child will have to see a psychologist as well when he / she is an adult (or maybe much earlier). Many children whom I see in my practice are not only traumatised, hurt and heart broken, but have immense feelings of guilt. It is common that they think the divorce was due to something they did wrong. They then struggle with a low self concept, and are further hurt and traumatised by immature parents who openly show and talk about grudges towards the other parent.
There is a way to address this loaded atmosphere between parents. Through post-divorce therapy parents and children are supported to at least have an uncomplicated future life. The measure for the success of the process however start with parents who are willing to put aside their own emotions in the presence of the children (not to suppress or to dis-acknowledge their issues, but to deal with it by seeing a psychologist who can support them to better deal with their own emotions in the absence of the children). Being a former teacher and school principal, and currently working as an educational psychologist, with almost 30 years of experience with children and their parents, one of my specialization areas is family therapy.
Being divorced means that your family will all be confronted with a challenge. It is a investment to address it sooner than later. There is not a better time than now, as now is all that we have certainty about.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash